Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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