So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
