Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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