I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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