How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
