PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
