Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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