Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
