Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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