Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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