I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
