I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
