My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
