i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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