so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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