The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
