sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fuck appropriateness.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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