ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
