is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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