I want to walk on stilts...naked
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
