i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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