I accidentally had phone sex last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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