It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
