Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
