Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
