does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
