You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
