Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
