Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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