I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize