How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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