Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
