Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
