i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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