brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how can u be prego again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
