i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize