I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
