i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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