I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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