You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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