I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will be naked everywhere
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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