there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
