is your mom at the bar?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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