WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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