and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As shirtless as possible
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
