I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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