Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
