very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
only if we run a train.
done.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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