Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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