Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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