My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
