I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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