at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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