drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
