I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
