i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
