i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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