You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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