Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We are two peas in an std pod
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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