You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
