I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
