I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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