He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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