those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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