at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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