where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
