Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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