just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
