how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
