He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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