Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
where are you?
Hypothermia
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
