In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
