hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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