I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
