Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
