i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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