you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
