And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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