doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
