peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
