I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
