Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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