You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
